poopflow: ah yes i have finally found it the g spot
beerito: *flushes your text post down the toilet*
percypan: THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45
snarg: truth or dare more like preform a strange sexual act or tell me who you like
niallhortonhearsawho: a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt
And on the seventh day, he took a motrin and laid...
God: Gabe, stop, I'm working.
Gabriel: I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING TOOOOOOO!
God: Here's a box of parts, go nuts.
God: -several hours later- Gabe? Where are you, my son?
Gabriel: DAD, LOOKIT!
God: Dafuq is that?
Gabriel: A PLATYPUS!
That moment when someone asks "What time is it?"...
philhowellsfordan: xemilykikix: omfg this is literally me
hateruess: yo fuck anyone who doesn’t want you in their life and fuck anyone who treats you bad and fuck anyone who breaks your heart because they’re all fuckin losers and they’re definitely not worth your time because your time is precious and the only people who deserve it are people who treat you right and are nice and don’t lie to you and buy you ice cream.
magicconchshell: imagine if you went to go see a horror movie but it was just a slide show of your middle school selfies for an hour
umjewish: do u ever just look at clothes online and cry
bitchouttahell: shout out to all of the custodians, cooks, garbage truck drivers, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, waiters, and every one else whose jobs and entire fucking existences get shit on by the same people who wouldn’t know what to do with their lives if they had to do anything for themselves
ticklishbutts: theladyofpie: ticklishbutts: the Cold War is basically just the United State and the Soviet Union saying how big of a penis they have but when it comes down to it neither of them actually want to flash the other to show for fear the other actually does have a bigger penis Holy shit, that’s spot on I don’t post faulty penis analogies so of course it is
If you don’t have a massive alternative universe in your head with developed people and stories you’re lying
Everything I love has either ruined me or watched as I ruined it instead.– (via wild-lion)
chekhov: Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
There were no sex classes. No friendship classes. No classes on how to navigate...– William Upski Wimsatt (via radicalginger)